


Theirs

by Amanda_z_5



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, I think I like this style!, I'm pretty proud of this!!, It's a tad bit pretentious soz, M/M, Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8667784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amanda_z_5/pseuds/Amanda_z_5
Summary: In which home is a place, Phil is in love with both Dan and their future, and they aren't nearly as sappy and romantic as everyone seems to think.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you like this I spent a while on it and I'm pretty proud of how it turned out!! It's a bit different from what I've written before, but I think it's different in a good way! Enjoy!!!

Phil can barely remember what it feels like to lie in his own bed, tangled up in Dan until they've merged and become one and breathe the same air and exhale in tandem, and he would ask for nothing else for the rest of his life if he could just have Dan holding him under his duvet right now. 

The tour has been maybe the best thing he's ever taken part in, if he's feeling sleepy and sappy, which he is, but as he crosses the threshold into the flat, it dawns on him how much the tour bus wasn't truly home, this is. 

Anywhere with Dan in it feels comfortable and safe, of course, but this is his warmest, softest place. His _home._

This place where they film themselves baking and giggling at three in the morning because they can and it they're in some kind of intense holiday spirit. 

This place where Phil rests his head on Dan's shoulder when they watch Netflix because there's no one to judge or impress, everything is just for them here, and Dan's shoulder is easily the most comfy place Phil's head has laid. 

This place where he sleeps with Dan's arms and legs wrapped around his, Dan's chest protecting and warming his back, and one of Dan's hands gently rubbing his side or stroking though his hair.

This place where they can walk around with the hair pushed back, up off their foreheads, where Dan's stays curly sometimes, or Phil's contacts are forgotten. 

This place where they always belong, and everything blurs at night, and he stares at Dan with some disgustingly fond, loving look smeared across his face because Phil adores how soft Dan becomes when this happens, even though the look disappears in a few seconds as he would never let Phil forget how cheesy and gross that look is.

Even when London is alive right out the window, neon signs crying for attention, brisk night air proclaiming that two am in this city is a place where people are real and alive and living in capital letters, Phil has his blurry, familiar home, right behind that window.

His warm, languid home where a hazy mist settles over their belongings and minds, and nothing feels real, but it's ok, because Dan is soft and loving and almost asleep in his lap, and maybe two am isn't even a real time, but that's ok too. 

Even if it's all fake, and Phil's right that anything that happens between midnight and five in the morning is just an illusion, he would be alright because he got to spend his illusion with a curly haired Dan melting into his thighs.

He tries to wake him up, gently stroking his bare shoulder and marveling at his smooth, freckled skin. He connects the dots and forms all the constellations that have ever existed. 

At at that time of the night, it seems perfectly clear that every star that's died has sacrificed itself so that Dan Howell may exist, so that their ashes could be used to create the expanse of Dan's back, his honeyed coffee eyes, his squishy tummy. 

His freckles, then, were obviously there to pay tribute to those stars and what they went through solely so that Phil could have this incredible, gorgeous man using his lap as a pillow.

Dan still hasn't woken up, and Phil really wants to move this to his bed and be held as he falls into his easiest sleep in a month, but Dan looks so at peace, and Phil is really feeling kind of ambivalent about the whole situation.

Because during the day Dan is so _loud._ Not always in volume, although that's not uncommon, but he's just Dan, and Dan is passionate and opinionated and emotional and loud.

But while the night is bringing his dreams he becomes untroubled and calm, and it's reflected in his uncrinkled eyes and brow and the way his mouth falls open just a little, and Phil can barely bring himself to disrupt this time he knows Dan needs to recover from being _so much_ and _so alive_ during daylight, time he needs for his anxieties to melt and his unsolved troubles to rest.

Eventually though, Phil knows Dan's neck will ache, and he'll wake up and pretend to be mad at Phil for not waking him, and his voice will go all high pitched and adorable, and he'll demand pain medication and a glass of water immediately as retribution for Phil's sins. 

He would rather avoid that, and keep his Dan cuddly and happy in the morning so that Dan will snuggle him closer to his chest when he wakes up instead of ordering Phil to bring him paracetamol.

This, unfortunately, cannot be done without actually waking the man whose head is resting on his legs and whose face is nuzzling his tummy, and will require Phil to discontinue playing with Dan's curls, none of which he would particularly care to do.

He settles for murmuring to Dan about how it's time for him to wake up and that he'll be so much more comfy cuddling in bed, and they're _really_ not ones for pet names, but he's pretty sure he called Dan 'love' somewhere in there, because his face looks so innocent and sweet, and he wants Dan to know that Phil didn't want to do this to him, and that he is so, so, loved, and so how could he possibly not have? 

Dan takes his face away from Phil's stomach and blinks hard, looking so endearingly confused that Phil can't help the soft chuckle that spills past his lips.

He looks a bit like a sleepy puppy as he settles his head back down onto Phil's legs, and he feels terribly guilty forcing such a cozy and content Dan to actually stand up and walk to their room, but it must be done, and Phil takes his arms and sits him up on the sofa, and he's pretty sure that the absolutely betrayed look shaping Dan's features has broken his heart neatly down the middle.

He claims Dan's hand and tugs a bit, pulling him up to a standing position, although he still looks bewildered by his surrounding and around 90% unconscious. Phil doesn't let go of his hand as he leads them down the hall, rubbing his thumb up and down the side of his index finger, hoping it will soothe his sleepy Dan a bit.

Soon he gets lost in the patterns he's marking Dan's skin with, and starts to marvel at the fact that he has Dan. This unbelievably sweet, caring, adorable man is his, and it terrifies him that Dan clicking on a different video in 2009 would have jeopardized that. Dan is his whole world and home and happiness all stuffed into one lovably squishy body.

He knows Dan's aware of how adored and needed he is by Phil in each and every moment, but he's so overwhelmed with fondness for the silly man he's tugging to their room that he thinks he needs to tell Dan that he loves him so, so, so, so much tonight and tomorrow and the next day and the next day, because even if Phil spent his entire life trying to explain how utterly happy every part of Dan makes him, it would only cover a fraction of that feeling when he makes Dan's dimples or his little rosy spot on his cheek appear.

He doesn't evince how he feels enough, he would never actually tell these things to Dan out loud, but they're not really a terribly romantic kind of couple either, and usually short but rather frequent 'I love you's get his message across, and his absolute fondness is revealed when he grabs Dan's hand just because or makes fun of his morning curls.

Phil has no more time to think, as they've finally reached their room, and even though Dan's asleep on his feet, he leans over and presses an innocent kiss to Phil's cheek, and Phil feels his heart mend itself and he sighs just a bit with how much adoration he has for his kind, caring Dan. 

Phil's very glad he stripped his t-shirt and jeans off at the door, as Dan immediately collapses face first onto the bed, and falls asleep seconds after he's sure that Phil is safe and snug in his arms.

***

Phil wakes up first, as he does most days, and takes a second to think about the dream he just interrupted. It was nice, he and Dan had gone on a picnic in the rain and Dan hadn't cared that his hair was getting curly, and that their sandwiches were getting kind of wet and maybe a little gross, and Phil had picked a dandelion to give to Dan (and of course made the obvious pun there) and Dan had done that soft little giggle he usually reserves for times Phil does something probably kind of ridiculous but also a little sweet for him.

He thought that he would really love a future like that, tiny adventures with Dan everyday, like spontaneous rainy picnics, like stargazing laying on the grass in their garden, like a cute little house in a suburb that they would fill with as many memories as the London flat. 

He wants two adorable children and a little dog, and he wants to teach their kids how to be thoughtful and kind and give them hugs all the time and kiss the tops of their tiny heads, and he wants it all with Dan.

He wants to explain to their kids that it's not a bad thing to have two dads, and that a family can look a million different ways, and that what makes a family is love, not gender, and he will love his kids so much they won't be able to believe it. He'll love them unconditionally and support them no matter what and he'll let them know it every day. God, he's excited for their little family.

For now, the flat is still home, and he's never been the kind of person that can say that home is wherever his loved ones are, because he needs a place to ground himself. His home is the place he and those he loves can return to, a cozy, happy place full of love and life and memories, and he's beyond ready to create that with Dan.

When their careers settle down and they both feel ready to take on such a massive responsibility, he knows Dan wants this just as much as he, and that they'll be the most caring, loving, and maybe dorkiest parents in the entire world.

Dan wakes up too then, and just as Phil predicted, nuzzles his face into the back of Phil's neck and squeezes him toward his solid chest. Phil loves pale yellow mornings like this, when the world is starting to feel real again, and Dan lets him know how loved he is when he gives his torso a gentle squeeze or kisses the back of his neck or the top of his head. 

Dan is just so sweet, and every morning Phil gets to be reminded of that and he feels so lucky the universe gave Dan to him, and him to Dan. 

Sometimes he likes to think it's inevitable that they would end up together, because he's never felt so made for another human being, and it feels strong enough that he thinks it probably would transcend fate.

Other times though, like now, he knows how serendipitous their meeting was, and is awed that the world spun and produced Dan Howell and Phil Lester at the same time as each other and the Internet, and kept spinning and united them on Twitter and YouTube comments and at a train station in Manchester seven years ago, and he just feels so profoundly _lucky_ that he gets to spend his life with his love.

And if he's getting a bit emotional because his Dan is right here with him, holding him and protecting him with a warm hand resting on his side and he just loves him so, so much, well, any tears he may shed are between him and his pillow.

The love isn't sparks in his stomach, like it was when they first met, fierce and fiery. Those sparks ignited into a slow-burning flame when infatuation wore thin, and warm, familiar love that settled in the center of his ribcage took its place.

He likes this love better, though, it's less anxious and more easygoing. Not effortless, they've chosen to love each other, even when they don't agree and it's difficult, but it's not a burden, it's a relief. 

No more tears drop onto his pillowcase though, because Dan is stirring and about to awaken, and the last thing Phil wants is to worry him. 

Phil's emotions generally stay inside, and he doesn't cry around others often. He talks things out with Dan a lot, but not much can make him cry or even tear up, that's just the way he comes. Phil, who likes dogs and pizza and scary books, and can count the number of times he's cried in the past year on one hand.

Most days, only something truly horrible and disturbing can make Phil cry, and if Dan wakes up to see a weeping Phil, he knows he'll automatically assume the worst and start coddling him, even though Phil's really just _so_ happy. 

Anyways, Phil can't even _begin_ to imagine the sheer magnitude of the teasing that would occur if Dan caught him all teary eyed because he's in love.

That's so not them, Phil knows how much he loves Dan and how much Dan loves him, and he knows too. They don't need tearful speeches proclaiming everlasting love, they just need sharing uni hoodies and knowing what each other will order at a restaurant before they do.

His sleep addled and post-tour exhausted brain, however, is having a hard time processing feelings, resulting in crying because of that same love he feels has always been there. 

And he pretty sure Dan's wept a couple times because of how happy he's been this year, but they don't share absolutely everything with each other, because they need some things that are just for themselves, and some time to feel things that no one else will know about. 

Their lives are intertwined in practically every way, but they're both rather introverted people, and need time and ideas to themselves sometimes, and that's ok. They thrive on keeping a few things private, safe in knowing that no one else on Earth needs to hear that particular unimportant thought, it's only for Dan or only for Phil.

So for now, Phil wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and his nose with his sleeve, takes a few deep breaths, and starts playing with Dan's hair to wake him up, as it's nearing half past noon, and really they should have already had breakfast by now. 

Dan nuzzles Phil's neck and squeezes his middle, and it's so sweet, and he starts thinking about how this man holding him _does_ cry a lot, he doesn't keep that a secret. 

He experiences his emotions so outwardly and intensely that Phil is never surprised to hear him ranting or tearing up about an injustice in society or hate crimes, or even trees being cut down or dogs being hurt.

He's brimming with an unending fountain of empathy and Phil is so in love. Seeing Dan care so deeply about people he's never met and places he's never been inspires him, and he's so proud to be able to call such a sensitive, lovely person his boyfriend. 

Dan's really awake now, and Phil registers that he's being talked to, and Dan is asking what kind of cereal he feels like today. He tells him Shreddies and hopes that he hasn't been asked any other questions while he was floating around his own mind.

They finally manage to pull themselves skywards and away from their warm, cozy, very inviting bed, and then into the kitchen. Phil only bonks his nose on the glass door once before he realized he needs to actually open the door today, so he'd say that he's doing pretty well so far.

Lots of people seem to think that Phil exaggerates his clumsiness, but they only need to ask Dan how many times he's has to stick a Hello Kitty plaster or gently massage a bruise on a Phil who swears up and down that he's perfectly fine, and that he didn't _actually_ drop the scissors and _somehow_ cut himself, it was actually that a sharp-clawed kitten broke into the flat and viciously attacked his foot during his heroic quest to bring the kitten back to its owner.

Dan always laughed at the stories he crafted to excuse his silly accidents, and it made Phil feel warm and forget about any pain because Dan's laugh is kinda low and rumbly when he's not paying attention and is easily Phil's favorite sound in the entire world.

It reminded him of being home, because Dan saved that laugh for inside, where the Earth spun just a bit more slowly and the crowds parted and he didn't need to impress anyone, he could be unguarded uninhibited and a slightly softer, quieter Dan. 

Their flat is the only place Dan's rumbly laugh frequents, which is why even though Japan and Greece and Jamaica and America and Australia were all gorgeous and incredible and maybe a bit life altering, their flat is home. 

The place he knows he and Dan will return no matter how long they're away, where Dan can laugh a bit deeper, and Phil can take mid afternoon naps on the couch and wake up to Dan's sleeping form right there next to him, rising and falling every time he takes a breath.

Someday that home will be a house with a large front garden where his kids can explore the grass and trees and leaves, and his favorite sound list will expand to include not only Dan's laugh, but those of his two sweet children, and he'll take naps only to find another very long and two very short bodies curled around him. 

Someday, that place will be his home he can always return to, and it grows nearer with every leaf that falls outside his bedroom window, every click of his computer mouse, every Mario Kart marathon, every afternoon fading to dusk, and every moment spent loving Dan.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I'm sending my child to college oh my gosh, anyway I hope you liked it! Let me know what you enjoyed or what you think I could improve and remember to leave kudos if you enjoyed reading! Thanks so much!! 
> 
> My tumblr is @imjust-anerd, come say hello!!


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